How Divorce Effects Children

A Family Law Attorney means many things - someone that handles divorces, discovers assets that need to be equitably divided amongst spouses that are dissolving their marriage, and a person capable of compassionately assisting someone through the difficult legal aspects involved with a divorce. Statistics show that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and nearly 66% of all second marriages end in divorce. Also, it's been estimated that a divorce can cost upwards of $20,000 (depending on the type of divorce), which only adds to the frustration surrounding the entire process.

Family law matters can have significant financial and emotion consequences on the parties and their child(ren). A skilled Family Law Attorney knows how to sensitively help a person through these matters, deftly resolving the more complicated legal aspects of a case, while easing fears and worries.

Unfortunately, a matter that cannot be quantified, or fully appreciated is how a divorce effects children. There is no way of fully understanding how a divorce is internalized through the eyes of a child. To them the entire foundation of what they have always known as their family is being erased, and a skilled Family Law Attorney does everything they can to educate their clients as to how the divorce will impact their children.

At Vilar Law the education process begins by sharing 4 pamphlets with our clients: Common Errors in Divorce with Children, Love Isn't Easy, Rules, and Truth or Consequences. It is our goal to ensure a strong bond can be maintained with both parents and the child when possible.

After that, it is a matter of applying over 20 years' worth of legal expertise in handling Family Law cases. That means clients, and their families, know they will be represented by an Attorney that can make a difficult process, that especially effects children, as painless as possible, while taking into consideration the people involved - not just the legal matters.

Contact Vilar Law, P.A. at (305)373-8000, to schedule a consultation.

Below, please find some excerpts from Common Errors in Divorce with Children and Truth or Consequences:


  1. Make the child deliver money or messages from one parent to another and putting the child in the middle.
  2. Ask the child to hide something from the other parent and in effect teaching them to lie.
  3. Interrogate the child about what is happening in the home of the other parent and therefore turning the child into a spy.
  4. You should not say disparaging things about the other parent to the child or in their presence.
  5. Exchange timesharing for something unrelated that a parent wants from the other.
  6. Looking visibly sad or upset when the child starts his/her timesharing with the other parent.
  7. Tell the child who is requesting to purchase an item or attend an activity to "Ask your father because he does not pay me enough child support" or "Ask your mother because I give enough money for child support and she wastesit".
  8. Ask the child directly or subtly, "which of the two parents you really want to live with?"
  9. Allow the child to control the situation whenever he or she so desires.
Truth or Consequences

Ways I Create a Loyalty Bind for my Child(ren)

Directions: It is time to take the lead and own up to the truth about your behaviors. Read the following and identify ALL the behaviors you have or are exhibiting. Remember that children experience a loyalty bind whenever they are placed in the middle of their parents' conflict. This will make them feel uncomfortable loving both of you.

- Put an X on the number that indicates a behavior you have exhibited in the past, but you no longer do.

- Circle the number that indicates those behaviors you are currently choosing to engage in that hurt your child.

  1. I make negative comments about the other parent.
  2. I use negative body language or tone when referring to my child's other parent.
  3. I allow relatives or friends to make negative comments about the other parent when my child can overhear.
  4. I ignore my child's presence while arguing with the other parent.
  5. I discuss the character defects of the other parent when my child can overhear.
  6. I stress to my child how much I miss them when they are with their other parent.
  7. I say a negative thing about someone my child cares for.
  8. I discuss child support or lack of money with my child.
  9. I ask my child to keep secrets.
  10. I refuse to let my child take important items to her other home to show the other parent.
  11. I imply that I am better than the other parent.
  12. I send child support checks, letters, or verbal messages through my child.
  13. I make my child feel responsible for my emotional needs. I let my child take care of me.
  14. I imply that my child is not safe in some way when she is with the other parent.
  15. I block my child's contact with the other parent (phone calls, visits, etc.) or use screening methods to avoid their calls.

This is probably your first time dealing with these important issues, but it certainly is not ours...

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